Glycerine
by Moonchild10
Summary: It hurts so badly to want someone, need someone, not be able to live without them, love them more, and know you can never have them. [one-shot]


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A lovely littleone-shot of disaster.

It might be a little OOC, but it all works out in the end.

XXX

Nny looked up at the frosty sky, the stars reflecting in his brown eyes. It had been six days since he'd called Devi. Six days since he'd last heard from her. Six days since she'd insulted him. And he could still feel her.

He knew she was here. She was sitting on the park bench ten feet from him, writing. He didn't know what it was she was writing. He dwelled instead on the beautiful motion of her hand forming the words. The lovely shape of her face, twisted slightly in concentration, not even noticing him there. He was standing in plain sight to her, right in the middle of the grass ten feet in front of her.

He still couldn't quite figure out why he'd tried to kill her in the first place. He couldn't understand why he always gave in to what the voices wanted him to do. He had a life too. Why couldn't he control it? He just didn't understand. All that he knew was that he craved her more every time he walked by Dragon's Books and saw her standing there alone.

She had friends and family, he knew. She had people that cared about her.

And yet they were both so alone.

It was so perfect. They could be together, and neither of them would be alone anymore. And...he slapped himself. He remembered what had happened last time he had even tried to apologize. She had gotten mean like a tiger on caffeine. (it rhymes!)

On the bench, Devi was watching Nny through the corner of her eye. She'd known he was there since she sat down. But he wasn't doing anything. She stretched her arms, moving her body, secretly taunting him in her own little way. It amused her. She couldn't deny the fact of how pitiful and vulnerable the homicidal maniac seemed these days. Utterly harmless. It was a very odd thing. He'd tried to kill her, and yet he had no power over her whatsoever even now.

She couldn't renounce the fact that sometimes she wished things had turned out a little bit different, and she couldn't refuse that occasionally she missed him, from time to time even wanted him back. But that was completely ridiculous and she didn't let her infrequent wish for him into her sane scope of reality.

Nny gazed at Devi yet, not even noticing that she was watching him too, he was extremely locked into his little dream world where he actually could he forgiven by his goddess and things would turn around.

It was only a fantasy. She would never forgive him. Things pretty much couldn't get any worse. Nothing he did now would be able to worsen his standing.

Devi continued to watch him secretly out of the corner of her eye. She hoped he wouldn't notice. She didn't want to have to deal with speaking to him. She didn't know what she would say. Of course, she doubted that he would have the nerve to come over and talk to her after what had happened last time he had just called. She just might beat the crap out of him again if he came near her.

Or so he thought. Maybe she wouldn't after all. But she'd have to.

Nny continued to watch her. If he wasn't mistaken, she was watching him very inconspicuously through the corner of her eye. So she DID know he was here. Why wasn't she running away? He didn't understand. Seeing her looking at him made him even hungrier. He almost started shaking, he was going to crazy with longing. He wanted her so much, and she hated him more than anything. He nearly screamed.

He felt so regretful for what he had done..or tried to do. And he couldn't believe he hadn't ended up giving up. He couldn't give up. He'd never let himself give up. Not when he was this much in love.

Devi was starting to get slightly annoyed at Nny just standing there and staring at her, so she decided to acknowledge him.

"I see you Johnny, do you know that?" Devi called, irritated. Nny said nothing. "What are you doing here, huh?" Devi asked. Nny quivered.

"I..er..." he said, unable to think of anything. He walked over to the bench, so he was standing only about a foot in front of her. She jumped.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"I want to talk to you, I suppose," Nny said nervously. Devi crossed her arms.

"You have five minutes," she said.

Nny stood there for a few seconds, and then he leaned down and wrapped his arms around her neck. She jumped again.

"Just what the heck do you think you're doing?" she yelled, trying to shove him off. He realized what he was doing, and let go abruptly. Devi just sat there, looking at him in shocked irritation. "What the fook was that?" Devi asked, gaping at him. (notice I'm keeping my good friend profanity on his leash today?)

"I really don't know," Nny said, looking extremely mortified. Devi looked disgusted at him.

"I swear, you're crazy," Devi said, staring at him as he sat down on the bench next to her.

"I know," he said. Devi groaned.

"So what do you want?" she asked, aggravated.

"I..well, I suppose there's no point in beating around the bush, so I'll just say it...I love you and I..I want another chance," Nny said, looking ashamed.

"_You_ want another chance?" Devi asked, appalled.

"I know it's probably stupid to ask but I..." Nny said. And suddenly he looked at her. She was looking at him with a look of distressed surprise. "Devi, can I hug you?" Nny asked. Devi just nodded limply. He turned and embraced her, and she hugged him back awkwardly after a moment of numbness when she realized how much she loved him.

Everything was going to be tolerable. She loved him. She had never known it. But now she could give him another chance. It could be like it had before he'd tried to murder her and...

But it couldn't. Devi knew she couldn't trust him. He'd tried to kill her once, and she wouldn't put it past him to try again. She wasn't going to endanger herself for a man. She shook her head.

"I'm sorry. You and I both know that I can't trust you. No one can trust you, and you know it," Devi said. Nny wasn't surprised when she said this. He knew they could never be together. It just wasn't meant to be somehow.

"I know. I understand," Nny said, tears in his eyes. He kissed her cheek timidly and waited for her to slap him. But she didn't. She kissed him too.

He couldn't be trusted. He knew he couldn't. They both knew he couldn't. He was destined to never be loved. And he knew this now.

Devi kissed him again, and then stood up. She picked up her things and looked at Nny for a moment.

"I'm sorry Nny," she said before she left him alone on the bench and walked away into the night. Nny watched her go and then walked off toward house 777.

And it was then that he knew he was always going to be alone.

XXX

There it was. I hated it too, don't worry.


End file.
